Confidence is something I think about a lot. Sometimes I feel full of it and other times, not so much. I wonder if there is sense to be made of the fluctuation, or if it just is what it is. I lean toward the latter, maybe because I’ve tried enough to make sense of it and can’t, or maybe because this option makes me feel more in control. (See: I am a control freak.)
Regardless, “it is what it is” is the option I like better because ultimately I think it’s a lot more freeing and conducive to happiness. It’s not about shrugging off your low/high confidence or pretending it’s something it isn’t. It’s about having a sense of humor about it. It’s about having what I like to call “confidence flexibility”. I hate that I just said confidence flexibility. I am judging myself so hard! In fact, I’m judging myself so hard that I have no other choice than to own the term even more and title this post by its very name.
If our happiness is attached to our confidence, that just seems unhealthy. Naturally, our happiness will pendulum in tandem with our confidence if it’s hinging on it, which just seems emotionally exhausting. Allowing our confidence to go up and down and having a more removed relationship from it seems like the best way to go.
I think this idea of confidence flexibility falls right in line with the “mindfulness” technique of psychology, which I LOVE and have found so helpful for me and my life over these past few years.
Mindfulness means stepping outside of a behavior in order to be aware of it. You notice it for what it is and allow it to exist without trying to curate or direct it. This allows the emotion/feeling/etc to be diffused and de-personalized. As a world-class personalizer, I have found mindfulness so effective in helping me normalize my emotions and handle them in a healthier way.
If we apply mindfulness to our confidence, then our confidence can be high or low or anything in between and it doesn’t dictate our sense of self-worth. It no longer has the power to affect our level of productivity or our efficiency in regular life tasks. We can simply notice “eh I’m having a low confidence moment” and just recognize it for what it is while continuing to push forward with our day, whatever we need to get done, and putting our energy into the things that make life better.
It really bothers me to think that low confidence affects the great possibility in so many people. I am passionate about seeing what people are capable of and I think the very real confidence-struggle can singlehandedly rob people of realizing their potential. I’m hoping this post helps the confidence issue in some way, and I plan on doing more posts like it in the future if you guys gained something from it. Let me know.
Have you struggled with confidence issues or do you feel like you have a pretty sturdy handle on yours? Do you have any examples? Who in your life do you assume has the most confidence? Would you ever have a conversation with them and see if they really have as much confidence as you think?
Looking forward to your thoughts.